giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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