At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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