I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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