The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
