Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
