he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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