Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
