Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
