We're facebook friends in real life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
