Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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