they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
