I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
