dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
