I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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