I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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