The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
