Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
