A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
