I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
