I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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