All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
