ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
