He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
