Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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