I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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