I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
