How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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