'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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