Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
