You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your tits are I can't wait for
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
