Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
