they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
