I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
