She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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