Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
