lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
