Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
