We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
