It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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