Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
