The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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