well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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