I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
