Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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