If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They have beer where we have blood.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
