matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Randomize
