so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
