i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
