let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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