I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
